For many of us, faith is something we have had all of our lives. We have never known being separated or set apart from what we practice as Christians. But for some of us, our experience is less structured and more deeply profound.
Not profound in the sense that we are different, quite the contrary. We follow the same path but have strayed away from our communal responsibilities. Perhaps a death in the family, troubles at home or some other experience left us with questions about what we believe, how we believe it and why.
About 20 years ago, my life was much different than it was today. I had a prayer life but did not practice my faith with regular devotion. After my father’s death, I began to question the very essence of God’s nature. Where was He? Why didn’t He cure my father’s cancer? Why did my father suffer so?
Years went by where I did not go to mass and I devoted my time to helping my mother survive. My thought was that if God needed me, He knew right where to get me. Then my mother became ill, 10 years to the day of my father’s death.
She would endure so much pain and anguish. I became her voice and was making decisions on her ultimate care. Many nights I laid awake thinking, “Was this God’s way of calling me home?” Was I making my mother suffer needlessly? Was God telling me to release her? I prayed for her to come home but I believe now that He was calling her to His home in heaven.
One evening during my prayers, it happened. I felt a warm hand come upon my shoulder. I was never given to such experiences and did not believe much in them but this was truly spiritual. There was this overwhelming sense of calm. I began to weep, weep not only for myself but for all who were suffering and lonely.
From that night on, I felt a change come over me. I started to pray more, love more, understand more, give more and believe more. I remembered blessed Pope John Paul’s words of “Be not afraid” and I knew that whatever designs God had for me and my family, that we would be alright and we would receive the blessings we so longed for.
After 30 years of searching for answers, it was always right in front of me. God was there, waiting for me to come back to Him. He never abandons His children.
For many Catholic men and women who have witnessed these same emotions, remember Jesus’ words – “I am with you always, till the end of the age”. Find comfort in these words and in each other. I have found such solace and come full circle. This was my journey home.